when in rome...(or rincon)

I have seen a many...have used one once (maybe twice, three times)...but never got into it... but now that we are living with one for 6 months I guess I’m going to have to. Yes, you guessed it...I’m talking about our BIDET. Before I start with the logistics, I will post some precautions. These things are not for the weak at heart. I will let you all think about that for a moment or two.

· Dry wipe at least once after having a bowel movement and before using the bidet. Excess fecal matter may clog the bidet drain. This can be quite disgusting for someone who uses the bidet after you.

(just take a dump in the BIDET, leave a gift for the next lucky visitor)

· Be very careful adjusting the temperature and pressure on the bidet. You want to avoid scalding sensitive skin, and high pressure can be very irritating.

· Some people use bidets to bathe babies?!! This should not be done unless this is the sole use for the bidet; be sure to ask the caregiver if this is the case, as bathing bidets are quite similar to traditional ones.
(is this some kind of sick joke? Who would bathe their BABIES in a place where people, who sweat all day wash their buttholes and genetials??) Sienna’s not getting any baths in our BIDET, fyi.

· Drinking from a bidet is not recommended. The stream can ricochet off a soiled area and become contaminated.
(I ignore this precaution; we’re going to make it our bathroom water fountain. Keep hydrated!!)

· If you are in an area with questionable water supply sanitation, refrain from using a bidet on broken/irritated skin. Your skin is only an adequate barrier against infection when intact.
(ummm that would be HERE)

· Do not over tighten the bidet fittings, otherwise the rubber washer may get damaged
(WTF is a rubber washer? And what kind of damage if the fittings are over tightened? ...rubber band effect?)

Ok, so you squat over this toilet looking thing. It has hot/cold water and a jet-stream faucet. The water shoots up, straight up into the air and you hover over this thing. Soap is optional and so is your dignity. I want to meet the person who invented this thing. What was he on? I may let you know how I’m doing with the BIDET or may not. I have a feeling I will be leaning more towards Charmin wet-ones to get my shit clean. Hell, we should fill it with ice and use it as a beer cooler!!! Or just switch to barbaric plaintain leaves, we ARE in the islands ya know

…when in rome!